Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
