Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
