I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
