Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize