i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
