Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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