My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize