There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
