dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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