Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize