so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
