my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
