note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
