I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
