Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
