A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
