Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
