I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
