i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
