She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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