Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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