Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
