yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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