the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
