I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
