I have demons in me.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
