I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My ATM looks so different sober.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize