mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
