yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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