hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
