so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
