The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
