I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
