I hope mine doesn't look like that
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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