my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
