I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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