Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
