It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
