So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
