she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
