did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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