We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
