So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize