I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
