You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
