Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
