I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Randomize
