I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize