I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
