I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
