You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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