It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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