i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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