I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
