I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
