hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
