You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just cropdusted the office
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I didn't notice because vodka
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
