What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
