This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
