We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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