he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
