And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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