Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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