There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
