2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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