The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
