dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
