Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm like, not good at living.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
