Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
