cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
