Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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