he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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