This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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