Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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