Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
