If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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