Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
