i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
