the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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