Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
