she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
