We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize