Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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