What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
