Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
