she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
