My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
