It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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