it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
