i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize