my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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