Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
