So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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