I think my vagina is haunted
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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