See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
