Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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