even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize