My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
