i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
