Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
