I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
