Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I am one with the molecules
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
