Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize