So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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